Experience Is A Brutal Teacher…

“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.” — C.S. Lewis.

Today I was reminded of an experience that happened to me about this time of year in 2006. I repeatedly had a dream that I was on a roof and Jesus was on the ground. I am terrified of heights but he was telling me to step to the edge and then JUMP…trusting he would catch me. I had no idea how I could possibly obey but THIS WAS GOD asking me! Either I trusted him or I didn’t… the rubber was literally hitting the road.

Just as I got to the edge, he said “Wait, turn around and fall backwards and trust I will catch you EVEN WHEN YOU CANT SEE ME THERE.”… WOW!

At that point my feet left the edge…

I’d love to say I floated effortlessly into my Savior’s arms, but I kicked and grabbed for anything I could hold on to… but there was only His promise. Then I woke up before he caught me.  I had this dream about 5 times over a few months and then finally he told me to quit my job and walk by faith.

So I gave notice on my job and 1 month later on February 28th, 2006 I did it. I walked by faith for a season whose length I had no idea… daily I had to trust for every need to be met. God met every need and humbled me greatly, as my flesh was burned away at record speeds…lol (I think I recall rug burns on my knees, elbows and forehead from spending so much time on my knees…lol) After 4 (long) months he walked me right into full-time ministry @ a new non-profit where I worked for the next three years.

During that 4 month season I read this from Streams in the Desert devotional, and it has never left me:

Streams in the Desert: June 11th entry –

“Today many people are attempting to use their mental capacity and logical thinking to obtain sanctification, yet this is nothing but a religious fabrication. They believe that if they just mentally put themselves on the altar and believe the altar provides the gift of sanctification, they can then logically conclude they are fully sanctified. Then they go happily on their way, expressing their flippant, theological babble about the “deep” things of God.
Yet the heartstrings of their old nature have not been broken, and their unyielding character, which they inherited from Adam, has not been grounded to powder. Their soul has not throbbed with the lonely, gushing groans of Gethsemane. Having no scars from their death on Calvary, they will exhibit nothing of the soft, sweet, gentle, restful, victorious, overflowing, and triumphant life that flows like a spring morning from an empty tomb.” G.D.W.

My prayer is that you allow yourself to experience God so that the heartstrings of your old nature can be broken and your unyielding character ground to powder. And while this is one experience in my life there have been many more. I also pray that I will never cease to let Him have His way in me.

I’ll say it again: “Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.” — C.S. Lewis.

Luke 9:23-24

 “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”

About Mary L'Esperance Held

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